Fourth goal almost met and still "obese"!

Today I weighed in and I lost 2.2 pounds since Tuesday!  That makes my weight 204.2 today!  My fourth goal is to get to 25 lbs lost.  When I started in December, I weighed in at 228.6, so that means I ony have about .6 lb's to go.  That's just a little over 1/2 pound....a healthy poop some might say HAHA.  I had hoped to hit that goal by Thursday, Feb. 10th, so I'm a little off on meeting it, but I'm pretty sure I'll hit it next week.

I know that I'm not always going to have great weigh ins, but I sure do love it when I get on the scale and see my numbers getting lower.  It makes me feel like the hard work I'm putting in is working.  I've never gone this long on a diet before.  EVER.  But, then again, I've never lost this much weight before either.  And I like it! 

We are going on vacation in April and I want to be able to wear a bathing suit and not look disgusting.  I'm still very embarrassed of my body.  I'm still considered "obese".   When I first started my diet, I was "severely obese".  God, what a disgusting term. They might as well call it "severely disgusting" because anyone who gets labelled any type of obese really gets a blow to their self-esteem.  I mean, seriously, it's not enough to call someone fat, or even very fat.  They have to put these terms like obese and severely disgustingly grossly obese out there (okay, I know it's not really called that, but that's how I feel when I hear or see that word written about me).

I was just looking at my weight chart and realized I've lost 10.67% of my body weight.  My BMI has gone from 34.71 to 31.05.  I won't be out of the "obese" category until I hit about 196.  Then I'm just fat, or "overweight" until I hit 170 pounds. 

Well now I feel like sh!t.  Thanks Dr. Google.  LOL.  Nah, I'm just kidding, google didn't tell me anything I didn't already know.  It's not like I'm mortified to find out that the internet thinks I'm fat.  Um, hello, I think I'm fat!  That's why I'm on a freaking diet!

I was talking with some of my friends on FB last night and we are all dieting.  I made the comment that I wouldn't be offended if someone callled me fat, because I AM Fat!  My response would be NO SHIT SHERLOCK.  Now go solve your next mystery!

Someone at work pulled me aside the other day and whispered to me, "are you losing weight?".  I was like, I'm trying.  She goes, "well you can tell."  So of course I said thanks.  But she didn't say, "WOW, you look GREAT!" or anything fantastic or complimentary like that.  She just told me that she could tell.  Tell what, I'm not sure.  Maybe she can tell I'm not as fat as I used to be.  Or maybe she can tell that my ass is four inches smaller than it used to be (according to my last measurement check last month).  Or maybe she can tell that you can't see my panty lines because my pants are too tight anymore!  It's anyone's guess.  She didn't tell me how she can tell.  She just said that she could tell.

I kid.  She's a very nice lady who happens to be very very thin and has probably never had a weight problem in her life.  She was being nice and I appreciate that she took the time to say something to me. 

So, since I am talking about work stories, here's another funny one to the exact opposite extreme.  Last summer (8 months post-partum) someone actually asked me if I was pregnant again!  I was like, "what the F?  Hell no, I'm not pregnant."  They were so embarassed but seriously I did not care.  I'm glad they were embarassed.  What an idiot.  Rule #1:  DO NOT ASK A FAT PERSON IF SHE IS PREGNANT!  I had a baby 8 months ago and, yep, I'm fat.  But, seriously, d'ya think I'm pregnant, dumb ass?!

Okay, I just set my fifth goal - to be at 200 pounds by 2/25/2011; that's 13 days away.  According to Weight Tracker, this is going to be "very difficult".  Um, no kidding!  Do these computer programs think I'm a flaming idiot?  Of course it's difficult.  It's difficult to drive by the bagel shop and not stop to get a bagel and a yummy coffee drink.  It's difficult not to eat a bunch of chocolate because it's valentines day.  It's difficult not to drink my damn wine every night!  So yeah, of course I know it's going to be difficult.  I'm not doing this because it's easy.  I'm doing it because I don't want to be fat anymore. 

And you know what? I actually don't care if I don't exactly hit my goal on the target date.  But I like having goals and I like pushing myself to meet those goals.  So, if I wanted it to be "easy", I could have put my next goal to be at 200 by March 25th, but I'm not doing easy this time.  Easy for me is kicking back with some wine and maybe snacking on some pita chips and hummus not paying any attention to how many calories I'm putting in my body.  I've done easy for way too long.